but i find comfort in that some still do.
and its not the distance that matters,
or whether we see each other everyday.
its the thought that counts.
if you know what i mean.
promos is dammit over. know how im feeling right now?
totally rotten. for one, i know i studied freaking hard.
and i know the results wont dammit show. for another,
i shant say what. chem paper was a total killer. what the heck
do you mean by studying the lecture notes will only get you an
E. it wont even freaking give me a pass. and i totally wonder why
i studied and whacked chem so much. im just hoping i'll do okie
for the rest of the subjects. dont want to bloody drop my h2 subjects
or even worse, be retained. im crossing my fingers and hoping
for the best.
and i was totally disappointed today.
was shocked at how bad my shots were. how bad my passes
were. how bad i sucked at dribbling the ball. i was totally
not focusing at all. even i myself dont know what i was thinking of.
mind preoccupied by some wu-eh-bo-eh stuff. the worse thing was
that. was totally performing under stress. not that stress, THAT stress.
thats an excuse though. nevermind, this shall not happen next training.
i shall get that momentum. go get it back.
sometimes i wonder what time did to all of us.
so what if they knew each other for a long time already.
time isnt really an important determinant of how strong
that friendship between two person is. at the end of the day,
they might still be together just because they are used to seeing
each other. getting sick. really. it just proves that that
friendship isnt strong enough. so what if years went into
cultivating this so-called friendship. so what. it all falls apart upon
being hit.
was studying the other day. and received smses from weitian and baowen.
was kind of shocked initially. like it was totally random. but this is
what friends should be like isnt it? no reasons needed to sms you.
and sometimes these little surprises sprung on you are what
are the most heartwarming things that can happen. a call from
your dearest friend, a short message, or even a multimedia message. thanks
to technology yar. i mean it just totally gives you the idea that you are
being thought of and yea, it sure feels like honey. or maybe if im getting the
wong idea, tell me. i hope not. anyway as i was saying. sweet.
i mean everyone wants to be cared for yar? it wouldnt be nice to know that
the whole world is invited and you are not. it doesnt feel good to be excluded.
i mean, imagine that you are in a conversation and you feel totally off because
you are 1a) unaware of whats going on or 1b) you werent included in the previous
conversation that is linked to this one and 2) nobody bothers to explain to you
because 3) your presence is not known of by others or 4) you ate glass for the
past 17years of your life - appear totally transparent.
like what the heck am i doing here in the first place.
insensitive bunch of warts are what it looks like.
and sometimes, you get shocked when you realise who are the ones who
really care about you. they may not be the ones whom you care for
and thought it'll be reciprocated. they might not be people whom you've
known for ages. they might just be random people who sincerely care
for others. disappointing aint it? fret not, its probably signalling something.
shutting down of the system. think its not worth shutting down? think again.
im beginning to doubt myself. or rather, my judgement. is it really worth
thinking of your feelings before i do what i want to do? why should i care
when you dont even give a shit about how i feel. to hell with it.
another funny thing i just thought of.
if i've ever scolded
or you are a person whom i feel comfortable with.
if i've never scolded
or you are just not someone that i can talk freely in front of, be it because
we are not close or even your presence simply dont make me feel relaxed.
and im starting to doubt if someone is really worth my respect or its just
because im uncomfortable in that environment.
im not stressed.
like it or not, i say what i feel like saying.