fuck, been feeling real terrible these few days.
thoughts keep running through my tiny brain and i just
cant keep them out. testimonial match, something which
i have been looking forward too. thought it ended up being
screwed quite badly. the day started off badly. for me. i mean
i had flu and everything. popped a pill before i went to kallang.
but still felt very sick. bad headache and all. training was a bit
unbearable because of my stupid running nose. felt like sitting down
to rest but there was no one to take my place. i dont think anyone
knows how to take over if i were to sit at the side and just rest. it
didnt help at all. my shots were lousy. my passes were sucky. i was
starting to get pissed with myself. helpless. you get that kind of feeling?
you want to take a break but no one is willing or maybe able to help
you. trained for almost an hour before the testimonial match started.
good play girls. must praise you all for that. good game indeed.
last match with the j2s. the people whom i've played with for the past few
months, that evening i played against. felt funny. but at the same time,
felt good to play with my own batch mates. my new teammates. im sure
it'll be good. after the match, it was time for dinner. the bbq and all.
thanks ms seah and ms lee for helping us to bbq the stuff. sorry to the j2s
who didnt get to eat much. and sorry to the j2 guys who didnt get to
eat first. they probably got a shock when they say some of the j1s eating
when they havent even started. sorry for the disrespect. we didnt mean
it. didnt really remember what happened the other day. but i remembered
running around like a headless fly. bbq-ing marshmallows for a few of
the j2 girls. bbq-ing satay. sitting around the pit. eating stingray. talking
crap. somehow i thought the atmosphere was weird. didnt talk much to the
j2 girls. that, i regret. but i cant possibly chap in and talk right. took a few
photos with them - my dearest captain farah, my line(pearlin weiqi hazi lydia)
and the 4 j1s. farah also helped the j1 girls to take a photo. yar one.
slowly, time passed and it was time for us to go home. but before that, ms seah
talked to the j2s. i looked at them and wondered what it would be like
for us next year. what do i want it to be like. the time would come. soon.
one year will pass us by quickly. and i really regret.
im sorry for showing a chaobin and yes i was pissed. inefficiency. no
one taking the initiative to do anything. and some people, so noisy that
i felt like stuffing all the raw otahs into their mouths so that they would
shut their trap. all talk but no action. wtf. even i can do it, why cant you?
im still learning. i cant do everything by myself. im not that great a leader.
im picking things up as fast as i can. im trying very hard. i need your
cooperation. i hope that you can understand.
it is by chance that we meet and by choice that we became friends.
guess i made the wrong choice. and it took me too long to realise that.
you are one big insensitive wart.
"You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain."
对过去，对未来，我什么也没办法确定。
为一能确定的是，我喜欢你。