went t donut factory with jasmine tan tdy.
queued for only 45min! lol. bought 2 dozen donuts.
gonna eat until i puke. anw. had a migraine on the way home.
heads hurts lik freak. dunno why.
sucker. im dying soon. diao..
dunno why but im feeling weirder and weirder by the day.
dunno wtf is wrong wif me. got time dun wanna study.
reli dunno wads my own prob. sucker. im oso getting
grouchier and grouchier by the day. i get this feelng that
im getting freaking irritating for some reason.
and easily irritated too. pms. wtf. no cause i dun feel that
only once a month. sian. im sick of this. no motivation.
no nothing. feel lik freak. feel lik throwing myself down from taipei 101.
diao. and see how i turn out to be lik when i reach the ground floor.
lol. see wad i mean? i dun even noe wtf im talking. doing and thinking of
the weirdest stuff ever.
will anybody understand the feeling of wanting someone to talk to
you and yet u dun feel lik opening ur heart t them?
some tried t talk t me. i was happy. and yet i chose t shut my
effing mouth up. lik SHUT it up.
and act as if nth happened. lik whatever happened was a
freaking normal thing. lik it happened t almost everybody.
when its not. only some f-ed up soul will kena it. cause u are
unlucky. or cause ppl arnd u are unlucky and u get t luckily freaking
noe the feeling of being thrown into this dark and small hole.
not an asshole duh. a hole where u feel small.
lik real tiny. and u feel stressed having t cope wif living in such a place
where u cant even breathe. lik "SUCK!" but no air gets into ur lungs. whoa.
how blardy horrible that is. or maybe sometimes u feel that the small
area that u are living in has a very low pressure. and then everything that
is in ur lungs gets sucked out. eew. lik urgh. i cant breathe!
how disgusting is that? when u feel that either way, u would rather
be better off dead?
why do ppl create a facade?
what are they hiding? what am i trying to hide?
what are u trying to hide? you , u and you out there.
all are hypocrites! i hate you all. hypocrites.
u all act nice and friendly for some effing reasons.
but deep down u noe u cant stand one another. why?
why bother to do that?
why cant this be a REAL and nice world?
lik GET EFFING REAL. why cant i jus pour out all
that shit. cause no one will understand. what u all will
do is to try and act as though u all understand.
and try to solve these problems. and try to empathise.
but at the end of the day, what actually is left behind is
the effing pile of rubbish that i faced from the start.
so what is the freaking use?
lowchuanyun u shdnt even think of telling.
cause no one will wanna noe. and at the end of the day,
u will still be the one crying ur effing eyes out. alone.
they tink u are okie at times. u tink u are okie at times.
u act lik a normal teen. goofing arnd. joking horsing.
doing all sorts of rubbish. but yet. they dun understand.
the feeling of helplessness when u tink of all those stuff.
when u are alone. u noe u HATE yourself. u noe u dunno who
you are. u noe that u are feeling very confused.
u noe u shdnt be thinking about this kinda stuff rite now.
but why did you? its alright now. so why are you...?
cause u noe it will not be over. its going on and off on and off.
u are getting sick of it.
at times, u see how others are concerened over somebody.
u wished they would care bout u too. but for wad?
jus because u are u? NO. jus because u are lowchuanyun i shant care.
u hate urself. u wan this to be over. but u dunno how t end it.
u cant jus disappear. u dun wanna go lik that. u dream of the future.
ur own future. wif no one else. jus you. alone.
lik always.
为什么这样子？
伪装很好玩吗？
为什么不让人家帮你？
扮独行侠很好玩吗？
因为我不是弱者。
我讨厌这样的我。
因为你们都讨厌我。
为什么？
像回到小时候。
大家都和我一起玩。
爸爸妈妈不是超疼我的。
但至少他们不会骂我，不会讨厌我。
他们也不会一看到我就生气。
最好回到六岁时。
还没上小学时。
还没上小六。
还没变坏。
还没被老师讨厌。
还没被老师列入黑名单。
还没发生所有所有让大家都不愉快的事。
家还没变成只是一个名词的时候。