hmm. CCA day today. it was okie lo. we played lik mad though. had caps ball first. then went on to have group interaction etc. finally the ya zhou of the day was hide and seek -.- lols. find the sec 3s. lalala. it was quite okie la. but wad i din lik about it was that there was this junior who caught me. and she was tugging at my hand lik as if my hand was some treasure lidat. and i jus realised i kena scratched by her. oh freak. i mean i was damn angry lah. she even 'hugged' me from the back to stop me from running away. i feel so damn violated. that was not all. i was getting so blardy pissed that i stared hard at her. and told her very very coldly no to touch me. lik 'DUN TOUCH ME'. i tink she scared of me. then dun reli dare to tug at my hand. gahs. im tink im becoming the evil senior.
im getting more and more snappish by the day. easily pissed and all. lik how i snap at ppl. especially these few days. and when i get pissed easily, the words that i use become more and more colourful. i become used to it. gahs. went to elu's hse today. played mahjong. got quite pissed at gaymin cause she kept scolding me bitch. i mean she always does that to me. and im lik quite immuned to it oredi. but i was quite bothered by this today. i mean u wun wan anyone to call u that everytime she got a tile rite? im not blaming gaymin. jus that im in a bad bad bad mood recently and dun reli need ppl to piss me off. so thru out the game i used alot of colourful words. it jus comes outta my mouth so blardy easily. i wished i could shut my mouth. but i couldnt. and before we went to elu's hse, we were deciding where to go for lunch. we were lik chao-ing in frnt of the NCC ppl. sorry ppl. but today i din reli feel lik going out ya? but in the end i went out cause i felt that styaing at home was a worse choice.
i realise how horrible ppl can get when they wan u to go against someone so that they can get sth outta it. why do they do that? they make me realise how ugly the world is. they make me realise im wrong bout the ppl that i trust. why are they so evil? they can stoop so low jus to make u go against the other person. they make the other person seem so bad that u become confused. u are stuck in the middle. dun noe who to trust. u are jus so affected by that that u cant even tell from the truth or all the tales that the evil one tells u. why are there such ppl? i tink if there were no such ppl. the world would be a better place wun it? beautiful nice place. no more tales. u can trust every single one. and u need not guard urself against others. no bad ppl.
guess wad? i jus tio meh-ed . tio scolded. sometimes i jus feel that im immuned to it. but im a human. i do have feelings dun i? but no one seems to care. they say i take things for granted when i dun. they say i do this and do that when i dun. they accuse me of everything. they jus wanna find faults.
i need to talk. i need to be able to say wad i tink. sometimes i say wad i wan. but u all dun give me a damn. u tink im mad. u tink im rebellious and trying to make angry. YES. im rebellious. so wad? there's another side of me that u dun noe. the weaker side. whereby u see that i need ppl to care for me. i need ppl to appreciate me. u dun bother to see the other side of me. u jus gave me a si3 xing2 by saying that im plain rebellious and bu4 dong3 shi4. i dun have a chance.
help.